Bad Teacher 101

So it was Christmas, a time for giving… a time for sharing… unfortunately, I think I may have unwittingly given… shared… too much…

As a treat I showed my high school students a movie for their 40 minute class, and yes, maybe a treat for me. One class watched Scrooge, another… Guardians of the Galaxy, another R.I.P.D…. and for my favourites, THE CONJURING (they like a horror film, and watching it with them was like a rollercoaster! At some point the screams and ooo’s and aaaa’s resulted in other teachers running in to my class to make sure nothing was going awry).

You’d think THE CONJURING was the most controversial moment of this years teaching experience (my favourite scene where a girl is swung across the room by an unseen ghost while her father tries to grab and stop her!), and, if I were you, I’d think there was a line being crossed in allowing 15 year olds to watch an excellent, possibly one of the best, horror films… but I am not you, I am me, and I am the one who trumped myself in this faux pa!

One of my favourite high school classes is a group of 60 students (in one wee room… they are knee to knee in there) but such a clever bunch of Year 9’s. I thought, what is an entertaining film, something with action, adventure, a lil bit of feminism and a stroke of irony (t’s important to learn about different cultures’ unique forms of humour…), and suddenly it occurred to me – SPY! What better than the delightful Melissa McCarthy playing a would-be-spy who saves… well, something… genius! I couldn’t remember anything of any concern and so popped it on the big screen, headed to the back of the room to enjoy the film with the class.

Within 15 minutes a character appeared I’d not recalled… a character who spent a little too much time expressing himself by using certain profanities we’ll not repeat here, but one starting with V, and another with F…. I don’t know how these words were translated in Chinese, what I do know is that many a child will now have experienced whip-lash for the amount of times they started at the screen, then flipped to stare at me, and back again, and back to me… I could feel my cheeks burning, but what was done was done.

At the end of the 40 minute class the students and I made an agreement never to discuss this again, it would be our secret that they got to see this sneaky… slightly inappropriate, American (I expressed rather particularly that it was an AMERICAN film… us Aussies would not abide such inappropriate behaviour) film.

The following week (I only had each class once a week) I’d discovered that this would be my final, very final, forever final, time with each of my high school groups. Next semester I’d be contracted with the Global Assessment Centre (connected to the school but not incorporated in it, focus to ensure students get into Western Universities)so, I gave my classes two options – we would either play some learning-orientated games, or finish the movie we’d started…

Year 9… thoughts? “LETS WATCH THE MOVIE!”… they had exams coming up all next week, my heart went out to them. I looked at them, my eyes narrowed… I considered, I mean really, it couldn’t get any worse than what happened last week, we must have come through the worst… we’d agreed not to repeat what we  heard.

After careful consideration and some general narrow-eyeing of the students, I agreed. The kids clapped in joy and excitement and I started to roll the film…

Oh to see their joyful faces, what a lovely way to say goodbye, the film – just too funny and warm and… and… AND…

HOW DID I FORGET THE 3 MINUTE SCENE OF AN ENLARGED FALICE?

All of a sudden the kids were screaming, gasping, looking back toward me with pleading eyes… I knew it would take longer than the scene for me to get from the back of the class to the screen. I had to accept this moment, a moment when I may have stolen the innocence of 60 15 year old children… these poor kids, with whiplash and shock…

And the scene just didn’t seem… to… end! Just when I thought it was over, just when the capillaries in my cheeks began to dissipate, there was another moment… another giant male appendage on the giant screen resulting in giant… SCREAMS!

I shook my head. I shrugged my shoulders. I accepted the very likely possibility that I’d be thrown out of the country toot-sweet, potentially by a band of deep-green clothed gun wielding soldiers bursting through the door at any moment…

The film came to an end. It was the first time I’ve ever wished to be an Ostrich, my head snuggly socked in the sand. The kids looked at me… I looked at them… An almost silent nod between us all – “Best not to tell our parents or teachers?”… the kids giggled, and nodded.

“Ok… end of class then! I’ll miss you guys”

The kids remained silent, one of the students came to the front of the class, a hand outstretched with a card and lollies stuck back-to-front.

“We’ll miss you teacher!” she said

“We’ll MISS YOU TEACHER!” said the whole class

Whether it was me or the movie, I don’t imagine these kids will forget me any time soon!